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WHITE Theres something right about starting this final notebook with tell of the most serious Udon of my life here in its heartland of Sanuki. Some kind of culinary war zone atmosphere (arrows of oden, barrels of saru sauce and then occasional explosions of tubs of noodles descending in a shower of wheaty water) pervaded the tastiest of experiences – drawing a bustling and varied crowd to be skilfully shepherded by just two sharp-eyed and memoried attendants. A quick look in the kitchen told a true hand-made tale – it probably shouldn’t be allowed but no-one seems to care when the eating is so good. Today is passing in some kind of state of dis- belief – it will be good to get back in the tent tonight and make a reconnection with that essential nature of the experience trailing behind me. Re-reading the notes last night took happily longer than expected so I’m also a little sleep tired, though the body feels good after the rest. Most notable event of this mornings path was being part of a towns autumn parade – everyone lining the streets looking at the main attractions of shrines and costumed children but then doing a double-take seeing me overtaking on the other side of the road. A really nice full generations atmosphere and generally the pleasantness of people in Kagawa is extremely noticeable, continuing even after leaving the locality of the Daishis hood. My target is 80, entering the final decade – probably time to drink my just received settai power drink and get on my way… Perhaps it is finally time for the entry I’ve been contemplating for so long now concerning what I actually do at all these temples. Any description of my ritual obviously contains many meanings that I struggle to even understand myself but nevertheless…perhaps one of my favourite activities in the daily scheme of things is finding somewhere to plonk my stuff and my self for a little rest before proceeding any further. Then taking my religious adventure bag from the mother ship I proceed to the hondo where first I light a candle and then a stick of incense. Why everyone else does I don’t know but to me its some kind of contribution to the present life of the temple – the right kind of light and smell which is the sort of thing I should be helping with through taking the time and investing the importance to come here. There is also the issue of prayers but I cant see anything beyond a special moment of concentration/paying attention to some thought – perhaps something that has developed recently in my close involvement in the process of fire and burning of this part. I love changing the shape of the flame as the incense stick enters and some kind of feeling of power makes its way from heat and light into smell and smoke. Then I will go and put my name slip in the box just to respectfully show who I am and that I’ve been here to the people of the temple cos I’m sure they read them all cos I would given the various interesting that get put in these boxes. Next is offertory coins from my very feminine purse – again some kind of partaking in the body of the place I’m visiting and its also a good way of getting rid of heavy change that builds up from combini stops. I will always ring a bell if theres one about and particularly like it if theres a tuning bowl to give me a nice high pitch to start my hannya Shingyo. Which I have almost memorised and might just get there by the end. Then it’s a few moments of curious looking before heading to the Daishi-do. There its just a stick of incense, which after placing in the requisite place I will hold my hat over as some kind of superstitious transferral of Kukai wisdom to myself – from the way smoke is supposed to ease pain from the placecs its rubbed on. Its also good to focus on the wafts and then I’ll go and try to peer in the doors while saying 3 namu daishis – generally I justify my decreased worship here with all the bead rounds I do while breaking from walking with/worshipping the Daishi in that way. So then a general look around depending on time pressures before collecting my stamps and pen twirls and heading out. Perhaps I’ve forgotten bowing on the way in and out of the Niomon gate, which has become very important. And also theres the writing of the fuda which I enjoy very much and has come to have a special meaning. But generally there it is – worth all this effort to do 88 times? I don’t know what I’ll do at koya-san – breakdown? Sit blankly? Experience transmission/embodiment? I’m planning to record my last chant at 88 to show what level its reached and can then last reflect on. I’ve found myself increasingly drawn to souvenirs and such things recently though I think the little shrine I got at 73 is the best and only thing I will do in that direction. Should probably get going if its gonna be 12k in 3 hrs – its really rather how but with a lovely occasional sea breeze. Just 3 more days, I really cant get my head around it – there should be more pages of the map to fearfully flick through etc. etc. but all things come to pass, including this… Do I don’t want it to end? An early pause to enjoy the beautiful Koto music here at 80 kokubunji, which I seem to remember from before along with the spacious grand atmosphere and homely nokycho sharing a room with the daishi-do. The music probably has something to do with the many statues of kannon playing a lute about the place but now the sounds are submerged in a babble of a huge group of pensioners working out where they should worship. A short-stop at the supermarket before beginning this mornings climb. All sorts of cold and dewage to contend with last night but once again it was all worth it for the full moon peeking through the pines moments I had enjoyed before going to bed. There were moments during the last bit of walking where it was impossible to tell where the sun had set because the whole horizon glowed red. My thoughts began to turn to not only finishing the pilgrimage but also the totality of this time in Japan. Which was reflected on with much satisfaction, not least because I have all sorts of routes to coming back in a way that doesn’t require living here. These anticipatory moments of a week or 2 before transfer are always rich and perhaps itll be interesting to be writing things down at such a time like I’ve never done before. But now breakfast issues re-surface and the hotness of the sun tells me I should get on… 82 is a really lovely spot, made all the better by the good taste manifested everywhere about. The most special of which was the courtyard in front of the hondo with what seemed like a selection of trees for each season. But everything from the gardening to the calligraphy I received and the calligrapher himself has a refined air about it. Its good to be getting something more than red stamps again for my money, especially now the book is so close to completion. Perhaps this will be the last day of my favourite kind of forest path that only seems to exist above a certain height, something like a rare plant, so I’ve been making the most of it and taking things easy. Which combined with my even later travel agent induced start and slightly under-powered leg performance means I have no chance of making 83 before 5 but there is a suitable looking park beforehand and now I feel positively happy about this outcome so that I can be in beautiful mountain top places such as this longer while its still light. Perhaps one of the most moving moments of the pilgrimage occurred earlier at 81 – one of a group of old ladies being consoled by another because her legs weren’t able to take her up the harsh final flights of steps to the hondo. Tears came to my eyes as her friend gave a magnificent pepping-up performance, regularly invoking her understanding of what the Daishis opinion on the situation would be. The difference in postures between when I went past the 1st and 2nd times said it all. After a few biscuits I should probably become more upright myself, though I could happily stay here for days just breathing the air and watching the plants grow. New category for the end of pilgrimage awards – most beserk dog: and unless I’m very unlucky the winner will be the lunatic I just encountered who looked at me very calmly for about 10 seconds as I approached and then as soon as I was level with him went absolutely crazy barking and attacking the stuffing out of this toy that was clearly put there for just such a purpose and made me glad it wasn’t me receiving the frenzied chewing. Amazing Udon once again but gotta make the most of the opportunities here in my idea of noodle paradise. Not quite the rugged tastiness of the previous days but still better than most things in Fukuoka. Takamatsu seems to be quite a sprawling place – seems like I’ve been walking for hours on the kind of semi-important road that becomes dangerous in the dark when one could easily walk straight into an irrigation ditch, as nearly happened last night. It was quite a harsh and late hike to my camping spot by the river and therefore slept soundly, only disturbed by the most annoying type of rude boy exhaust on the other bank around 3. Nothing much spectacular at 83 – perhaps I will remember most the nokyo bloke permanently sat in the lotus position who said Kukai was at the heart of all Japanese people. Which certainly seems truer than it did when I started and the experience has taught and helped me a lot, for the meeting with Takemoto-san if nothing else. Have yet to decided whether to go straight to Koya-san at the weekend for the final interview or leave it a few days to be my truly climactic experience of Japan. But that is for future feeling to decide – apparently there is a quintessential Japanese view/experience this afternoon at yashima cos of the arrow/fan Heike/Taira thing so I will get myself in that direction after re-locating myself on the map. Well, I think I just passed the ultimate test of my henro powers. Against a stopwatch of 30 minutes to calligraphy closing time, a climb of 1k so steep they have installed a cable car, and this at the end of a day that had already touched 20k including a good sized up and down already. So feelings things an extra little bit just now – the exercise undoubtedly does help with ones receptiveness to religious experience – though I’m sure this place would still be magical right now if I’d taken the cable car. Definitely the most photogenic place I’ve been for a while with the touches of white beams but the backdrop of the cliffs catching the last of the days sun is the icing on a very wonderful cake. The stillness and quiet makes forever seem understandable – this is the sort of place one meditates without intention to even begin or end. Which is exactly what I need given that this time tomorrow I will be enjoying this, my favourite time of day at 88 if everything goes normally. Which is just a huge thought - ive been meaning to comment before about the feeling of a weight lifting from the fulfilment of the obligation I inadvertently but seriously made 3 years ago. And now I am just 24 hours away from the completion of that chapter with the feeling of the ability to do anything from that point onwards. I never really doubted my ability to do this, the walking and the mental challenge bit, but it was certainly a daunting unknown hanging over me. That I am finishing in such a state of appreciation rather than desperate desire for the end as at Canterbury is the real satisfaction and I’ve felt that coming across in my recent interactions with people as we conversate about my being near the end. I am profoundly grateful for all that I’ve learnt, all the space that I’ve found within myself which I’m sure will remain with me as long as I can pick up my daishi beads or look in the nokyo or even just put on foot in front of the other and walk. Therefore my body has become the memory of this time, my hard shoulders also and I will just stay here a little longer to bathe and fill it with this indescribable air. The missing and wanted posters The holy taxi men taking every opportunity to fill a nokyo Given the last day vibes I seem to be dragging everything out as long as possible so will make the most of this combini stop. Pleasantly prevented from writing at 86 by a conversation with a chap waiting for his daily meeting with friends to smoke cigarettes and some kind of temple welcoming lady. She made sure to say hello to everyone who came near the hondo and gave me 500 yen while reflecting on why more young Japanese weren’t doing as I. which leads me to flip the expectation and wonder what a similar woman in England thinks I should be doing…before this friendly interlude 86 had been almost comical with the building sites around the grounds almost taking over and the tarantino-esque playtime music from the adjacent primary school. But still a pleasure, maybe one of the most impressive gates, which I was very pleased to enter to bring an end to first walk of the morning shoulder pain. Am very happy to be finishing today because the cold has started to become a real issue at night – between 3 &4 was very chilly but then woken at 6 by a dog wanting to get in to lick or bite me, I’m glad I didn’t find out which. Had a very pleasant series of moments with the warming sun enjoying my fountain surroundings and receiving final experiential confirmation that the mind is like water. So to resume my trickle… Shikoku is the type of place where the majority of clocks one sees in public have stopped at some special time in the past. One could say that this simply means that a majority of clocks are wrong but there seems to be a different rhythm pervading the landscape of temple bells and the orchestrated sequence of insect calls that makes time almost superfluous so that one can simply say that most of the clocks have stopped and not worry about it Last combini – obviously, my favourite Daily Yamasaki Clairvoyance with pissing on the poisonous snake The scholarship obviously – blood, sweat and tears rewarded The daishiness of e-mail resolved given that news arrived in time for me to give thanks Last mountain = womans body ? No-one mentioning the most extreme final climb, hands and feet, sheer drops both sides, properly test of faith cos feel like end of the path will be jumping off….but then the view
Finally time for some reflection on that most important of topics – how to make a path. I have increasingly come to think about the exact moment when a sign or symbol was put along this road I’m treading and what it was within a particular person that enabled them to do so. Obviously, recently they probably had a map which gave them some kind of birds eye view that the direction they were indicating was the best/correct one for getting from one place to another. There is also the phenomenon of filling in gaps between existing markers, more for re-assurance than anything else and here the interesting issue of building on what already exists begins to emerge. Many times I have encountered places where for one reason or another the path can be seen to have recently changed – normally fallen trees or landslides being the reason. Also in a city backstreets environment there are places where new buildings or whatever make two opposing streets overall equidistant and then the question of why one is arrowly chosen and not the other can be baffling. Which leads to some consideration of the possibilities for the corruption of the power that being a sign-placer gives – taking henro past some shops and not others and this phenomenon definitely exists in detours to minor shrines and temples along the route in need of passing worshippers for their preservation. And then of course behind all this there is the question of choosing the places to be linked in the first place, which goes to the heart of why the path and the pilgrimage exists. I guess I am just gazing ideationally in wonder at how something can become so real and permanent with such an effect on so many lives yet still disclose its essential emptiness/arbitrariness at the same time. But perhaps the most important thing of all is the way it only acts as a guide – if one wants to go and see what the view is like from over there or pursue what might be a tasty restaurant down some alley, it is always possible to do so and then return. And I haven’t even mentioned the circularity that i[m about to encounter with being back at Temple 10 – this mornings path has been perfect for that job – blank beautiful and easy. But now some availability of foodage would be welcome so I will get after perhaps my final walking partner with his LA Dodgers hat who studied in reading and continue making this personal and universal path. People weeding the tiniest patches of dirt Even gardening gloves placed on tools make a peace sign So this really feels like the end. Back in the luxury of the fujiis apartment but still awake at 7 so plenty of time to enjoy it this morning. I really hurt this morning after the longest exertion of yesterday – a full 40k saw me get to Ryozenji just after 7 making it a full 12 hour day. The last couple of hours would have been impossible without the magnetism of the end of the end somewhere up the road. The countdown of roads during the day 3-2-1 and then going backwards through the first 10 temples gave things a proper feeling of closure – that slightly wonky circle that I can now feel like I am eternally navigating having pulled its ends together within myself. Of course it was great to see the Fujiis and eat lots of sushi – they were surprised how genki I was and gave off a faint air of pride which pleased me. Now to continue taking advantage of their kindness I will begin turning these notes into an electronic form to be put on the internet that now resides in my room. Obviously there will be more thoughts from Koya-san but right now I am too confused to say much about this finished feeling – its been anticipated for a while after my reaching the end began to seem inevitable and I think the depths of humility and gratitude I was taught by my priestly companion in what became the chilly room at 88 is the major thing to take from the experiencec. He was suitably the pinnacle of Daishi-ness that I encountered with his self-made staff and full-on begging lifestyle. Watching him struggle to find words to explain the world in a way I might understand in the dim light of his headlamp is a memory I will be sure to cherish, so as to always think about him as I do now – stood somewhere, head bowed in deference to the world, being the reason it allows him to exist, pure compassion. And so now the final epilogue written in the most intense dimmed religious light of Kukais tomb. I don’t know whether this is really the most impressive place I’ve ever been or just feels like it. I’m lucky to be here on a Sunday when its so busy it feels like the whole of Japan is here, both in person with all the tours, henro and various other visitors but also in spirit in the form of the endless national graveyard surrounding and leading to this point. But the most overwhelming thing is the complete immersion in nature – roofs of moss, the head stones so worn they look like they will one day become the surrounding trees they seem to aspire to. So as if I needed any more prompting in terms of the vast future studying offer that’s become clear since I finished, including studying here, then I am now in no doubt that this is a place of central significance to everything about me, and therefore I will definitely be back. I am very grateful to Mikio for driving me here this 1st time making it the easiest way possible and its great to accompany his 5yr old daughter Sora and get her wonderfully clear view of the place. Showing her the nokyo over lunch was a great anticipatory moment before the final moment of completion that just occurred. Satisfaction doesn’t even come close – finally the cover seems appropriate for its contents, that red reflected in gold glowing truth that strikes me from all directions sat here – the carpet, the lanterns, made all the more effective by the light in the incense fumes and the constant singing chants. Which I understand a little more after finally feeling the world of mantra vibrating within me at Zazen this morning. This religious coda instigated by Fujii-san has been most welcome – learning why one might ever spend tijme sweeping leaves and at 5 in the morning…and of course the wanting to get hit with a big stick experience. The time since I finished has been something of a marathon for the fingers trying to get these notes typed up, realising what I’ve already started to forget. But the essential feeling has been strengthened with very slightly awed encounter and now the atmosphere here really seals the scale of things I seem to be part of now. Therefore memories of this room will be the well of strength I will draw from in the future - the monks going back and forth in the yellow robes brings my meeting of Kukai into a human form but I think I met him along time ago, before we were born, like moss on trees and the air of infinity I can see over the altar to where he rests. A nun has been sat in front of me in prayer for the duration of this – just watching her breathe is the defining experience that this should end with. Last Modified 11/10/05 5:05 AM |
